


Kinloch's Collapse

by Sangosweetz



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Abominations, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Duty, F/M, Forbidden Love, Kinloch Hold, Loss, Love, TemplarsXmages, emotional breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 17:17:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10035893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sangosweetz/pseuds/Sangosweetz
Summary: After taking Ghilani to the lake to relax Cullen has a nightmare about Kinloch. Although he worries about her judgment, he decides it may be time for him to finally tell Lani what happened before the unknown pushes her away from him.  This is my headcannon version of the events at Kinloch Hold.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Cullen encourages a relaxing period for Ghilani Lavellan. Taking her to a lake he ventured to as a child for peace and quiet brings on a nightmare from his own past. He feels forced to either explain what happened at Kinloch or risk losing her to his sercret. Cullen begins to tell the story of what really happened between him and Solana at Kinloch ten years ago.

The sound of cricket chirps resonated around the moonlit clearing. Fireflies blinked their signals like tiny torches in the tall grass. Cullen's head rested on Lani's lap, and she thread her fingers into the golden waves. The gentle rhythm of combing through his hair was something she knew relaxed him. He had brought her to the lake near Honnleath to get away from it all. As they cuddled in the grass Cullen had drifted off. 

Lani was startled when he tossed and turned. He mumbled mostly gibberish, but the few words the Mage could make out were fragments of chant of light verses, pleading, and Solana's name. 

She called out to him and squeezed his arm startling him awake. He rose up confused, sweating and lost. The elf wanted to reassure him he was safe, far away from the clutches of Kinloch Hold, but she knew little of what to say. 

It was a fact no one could control their dreams, and he had only called to Solana once before. At the time they were not even in a relationship, but it did slightly bother her that she never knew what exactly happened between them. Lani believed him when he said nothing had. Cullen was a man of honor, and he never would lie about anything, especially that. Yet the spot of jealousy still remained. She motioned for him to lay back down. He was reluctant at first, but she always managed to convince him. Ghilani gently raked her fingers through his hair. "Did you love her?" She asked quietly after a few moments had passed, brushing an unruly lock from his forehead.

"I thought I did. I admit I was young, naive. I have since realized I had no concept of love." He replied, looking up into her fade green eyes. He lifted his hand and cupped her cheek. Cullen cared about Ghilani more than anyone he had ever known. She was always there for him; the lyrium withdrawals, the stress of the inquisition, she had even saved his life. This woman had given him her complete trust when she confessed her painful past, and yet he had refused to share his own. Kinloch, Solana, things he never shared with anyone. Cullen knew the words he spoke in sleep must be hurtful. Were he in her place; any form of calling to another woman, would have sounded absolutely unacceptable, yet she never expressed offense. Lani loved him but it was only a matter of time before she was fed up with not knowing the whole truth. 

Cullen sat up and shifted to face her. He swallowed the lump of anxiety in his throat, felt the tremble in his hands, and tried desperately not to let his nerves reach his words. "Lani, I- I want to tell you what happened at Kinloch. I want to tell you everything."

"Are you certain?" She didn't want to push him, and comfortingly pressed her hand to his cheek. 

Cullen couldn't let it go another day. He had to tell her. Before the secret he buried deep in his memories all these years, pushed her away from him forever. He took her hand in his before her soothing words stole his resolve.

"I am certain. I want you to know everything."

The ex Templar worried that she may question his sanity, judge his morality. But as the story fell from his lips, she said nothing, and listened. Her eyes were filled with such compassion and understanding, it encouraged him to continue. 

"Solana was about to go through her harrowing, and was terrified. She was a powerful and disciplined Mage. Expert in healing and lightning elements. She said that she believed in the Maker and felt she should become tranquil. She was that worried. I didn't want her to become tranquil. I know what that looks like. No emotion, no feelings. I was selfish and persisted in convincing her not to give up. Still, no matter how I tried to persuade her of her inner strength and abilities, she felt she would not pass. 

I remembered she had me mentioned a silver pendant that had been gifted to her by her mother. She had told me about it being taken from her when she arrived at the circle years before. I managed to get a hold of it, and present it to her the day before the harrowing. The gift had bolstered her confidence altering her mood and disposition the instant she saw it. 

I was the Templar chosen to deal the final blow had she failed. But she survived it. Passed with flying colors actually, as I had no doubt she would. Solana had thanked me many times. I did my best to hide my inner excitement she had survived, and continued to tell her that as my charge, I was responsible for her well being. I presumed she saw past my facade, but never pushed the conversation farther. 

My feelings for her grew in the months that followed but I held back. A Templar and his charge, should maintain a certain distance. Three months after her harrowing, the chaotic events of Kinloch unfolded."

 

••••••••••

The sound of a bloodcurdling scream woke Cullen in the middle of the night. He rose from bed, and searched the room. It wasn't uncommon to be torn from sleep by vivid nightmares, and perhaps it was one of the others that had cried out in their sleep. The other two Templars; Trevor and Jasper, frantically scanned the room from their beds, obviously the had reacted to the same scream he had heard. It was not a dream. The scream had been real. 

A Templar dressed in his full armor bellowed commands as he entered the sleeping quarters. "Templars! Arm yourselves! The tower is under attack!" Out of breath, he pulled his helmet off, and sucked in mouthfuls of air. An undeniable tremble in his hands. Blood was smeared across his armor and face, and his expression burst with panic. Cullen recognized him immediately; Finlay a younger Templar recruit that had been sent to Kinloch not three weeks before. 

Cullen's heart raced, as he tossed the blanket to the floor. He slipped on his boots quickly. Another yell was cut short. He jerked his head up, just as Finlay dropped to his knees. The sound of metal kissing the cold stone reverberated loudly off the walls. 

"Finlay!" Cullen shouted when the Templar's eyes rolled white. The three men rushed towards him. Jasper and Trevor stood closer, and Cullen had only enough time to traverse half the room, before the others reached the young Templar. The recruit collapsed forward like a sack of flour, three deep gashes in his back had pierced straight through his armor. In the doorway behind the fallen man stood the creature responsible. A hideous, and twisted monstrosity, wearing the torn remnants of dark blue Mage robes. 

An abomination. 

"Maker save us all." As the last word left Cullen's lips, the creature attacked Jasper. No matter how skilled he was, the man stood no chance. His scream, drowned in blood with a quick horizontal slash across his chest and throat. The deep neck wound had nearly decapitated him. 

Trevor was next to fall. He fought valiantly, casting a powerful smite, that stunned the demon momentarily. But draining mana did little to affect the wrath of razor sharp talons as they sliced violently through his soft flesh. Without their weapons and armor, the men could not kill the creature, much less defend themselves. The abomination, now dripping in the blood of Cullen's fellow Templar, turned its attention to the last mark. 

Cullen's eyes went wide as it rushed towards him. Like a serpent it’s head lowered and it slithered forward. The young Templar had one advantage his friends didn't. Distance. That allowed him the moments needed to devise a plan of action. 

He strafed around a shelf in the center of the room. Watching every movement meticulously, he was able to remain directly opposite the creature. They acted out a deadly dance, the bookshelf the only barrier between life and death. 

The creature grew frustrated, and smashed through the shelf. The act slowed it long enough for Cullen to grab a nearby chair. As the demon lunged he swung the chair by the back rest with all the strength he owned. The wood shattered into pieces from the force of the hit. 

It flinched. 

He seized his opportunity, and leapt over the next bed, and raced straight for the doorway leading out. As soon as he reached the exit a wave of relief washed over him.

He was going to make it... 

...Going to get to his weapons and armor and join the others...

...The Maker would protect him... 

...The Maker-

Cullen's thoughts blurred by a searing pain. He groaned as the agonizing sensation gripped his stomach. His hands instinctively moved to shield the injury. Time slowed in his state of panic and confusion. The Templar's muscles clenched, and the urge to vomit choked at his throat. He tried to swallow but the taste of copper caused him gag, and he coughed blood. He withdrew his hands. Blood immediately poured from a huge slash across the lower right side of his stomach. 

He felt extremely light headed. The world spun in a blur of colors and sounds, as he collapsed backwards and smacked his head against the cobblestone. A shadow spread over him. Cullen's eyes rolled, as the blood drained rapidly from the injury. He focused just long enough to see what had attacked him. Another abomination.

"Blessed are they that stand before..." he mumbled a prayer as the creature reared its arm back. "...the corrupt and the wicked..."

A brilliant flash of light split the darkness and Cullen went unconscious ...

\--------------------

A gentle touch on forearm had snapped his thoughts to the present. He gasped, eyes wide in surprise. His sudden jump had startled Ghilani causing her to let out a squeak. Her hand rested on his forearm, fingers massaged the clenched muscle to relax. 

“Cullen you can stop. I’m not forcing you to do this.” Her gentle fade green eyes were filled with worry. 

“Thank you for your concern. But this is important. Please allow me this?” Cullen rested his hand on hers. 

She nodded, and again Cullen continued the recollection. 

\--------------------

"Cullen..."

The voice called; Faint, distant, echoing. He recognized the woman but couldn't place her. 

"...Hold on..."

Andraste? Was it over? Had he been taken by the Maker? 

"Wake up Cullen!"

He felt weak but obeyed the assertive tone. A faint glow came into focus through his half lidded eyes. He tried to see past the light. Dark blue mage's robes. Long ebony hair in a braid brushed against his shirt, as the woman leaned over him. Her bright blue eyes welled with tears as they caught his. 

"Solana." He spoke on a shaky breath. 

Her lips quivered, but she smiled through it. The white light from her hands slowly dimmed, and Cullen felt the warmth of her healing magic fade away. 

"It was incredibly close. The damage- the damage was extensive. I know it hurts but the pain will subside soon. You are going to be alright." She explained. 

Cullen's hand rubbed where he had been gashed. His bed shirt was slit wide open, and he was still soaked in massive amounts of wet blood. The skin was sealed shut, but tender to even the softest touch. 

"Stay here." She made to stand, and Cullen grabbed her wrist. The sudden movement had sent a sharp pain through his stomach, and made him instantly light headed and nauseous. He groaned but held on to her. 

"Where- Where are you going?" He winced as he tried to speak. 

"I have to try to help everyone." Solana attempted to pull away, but Cullen held her steadfast. “Cullen I have-”

"You mustn't. You are my charge, and it's my responsibility-" he hissed through his teeth as pain vibrated through his guts, when he tried to sit up. "It's my responsibility to protect you." All the times he encouraged her that she was stronger than she believed, and now he wished she were again that scared girl before her harrowing. Solana was about to head into danger. It was his own fault that he could not protect her. He was careless. And now she was being forced to protect him. 

Solana stopped him from rising. "You are too injured. Stay and rest. I promise to make sure none get through." Her voice was firm; Like a mother scolding a child. 

Cullen panicked. Forsaking the command and strength he was taught to use at all times with the mages, the mighty Templar begged his charge to reconsider. "Please don't go!" She gasped in surprise, and her azure eyes went wide. He knew he had never raised his voice with her, and the outburst had certainly gained her full attention. 

"Don't go. Please don't go. I can't bear to see any harm come to you. Solana I-" two of her delicate fingers touched his lips and stopped him from speaking the words he never before had the courage to say. Words he was forbidden to say. 

Solana held his face between her hands. The way she gazed deep into his eyes made his heart race. She tipped his head down and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. She pulled back. Cullen took one last look into her eyes, and could have sworn he saw a tear form. The brave Mage stood and rushed to the door. Cullen was left helplessly unable to follow. 

Cullen's mind raced as fast as his heartbeat. He tried to stand again, but it was no use. As he lie there he cringed at every scream that echoed through the tower, and clenched his fists in frustration. 

Time passed…

He had no idea how long, but it felt like eternity. Finally, he forced himself to his feet. The ache had dulled but the was quite painful. He cradled his side and made for the armory. As Solana had promised, not one abomination lingered in the halls on this floor. They must have fporced them to retreat upstairs. That wasn't to say the hallway was empty. Bodies of Mages and Templars alike, sprawled unceremoniously on the floor. Blood splattered across the walls and stone, told the horrifying final moments of each life lost. Small fires still burned on tables, curtains and bookshelves, certainly from the mage’s desperate attempts to protect themselves. 

So much death...

Cullen arrived at the armory, just as another piercing scream emanated from the stairs that lead to the floor above. He quickly buckled a set of armor on while he recited Transfigurations. 

"...O Creator, see me kneel:  
For I walk only where You would bid me.  
Stand only in places You have blessed.  
Sing only the words You place in my throat..."

He continued the chant as he glanced around the room for weapons. He spotted a dead Templar with a sword and shield. Cullen couldn't place the man's face, for it had been horribly disfigured by large gashes down to the bone. He claimed the man's weapons, tightened the strap of the blood covered shield, and adjusted his grip on the sword. 

"...For You are the fire at the heart of the world,  
And comfort is only Yours to give."

Cullen sprinted towards the screaming. He had to find Solana. She must have been on the floor above him. There was no time to lose. 

\--------

Once he reached the top of stairs he discovered more bodies. More mages. More Templars. Was anyone even still alive? Some of the men and women he had known quite well, others regrettably, he would never have a chance to know. So many faces that would surely be etched into memory for years to come. 

So much blood...

It's scent filled the air, overpowering enough that he could taste it in every breath. 

A scream heard from the next room sent a chill down Cullen's spine. He tightened his grip on the sword and shield, fueled by the need to seek justice for his fallen comrades he charged into the room. An abomination hovered over a fellow Templar. The man had blood all over him and held his hands up in defense. Cullen rushed towards them. 

His voice filled of rage, bellowed a warcry, as he caught the attention of the creature. The moment it turned Cullen's blade dropped full force into its head. A sharp crack of it skull crushing, and the squelch of its muscles and arteries as they separated when the blade glided through its twisted form. It's lifeless body slumped to the cold blood covered stone. 

Cullen darted to the man’s side. He scanned the gruesome scene, and clenched his eyes. There was no way to save him. A deep gash into his chest made it harder and harder for him to sob; his lungs failed to hold air, and his throat filled with blood. Blonde hair stained red, the life faded from his bright green eyes. Cullen knew him. Bhaltair; a well seasoned Templar that many new recruits looked up too, himself included. 

Cullen took Bhaltair’s weak hand as it reached blindly in the air. The man attempted to recite the chants of light, unable to to finish even a single verse as he choked to breath. Cullen felt his chest tighten, knowing the ranking Templar had but moments left. In a calm and soothing manner Cullen’s voice harmonized with words amongst gurgles and coughs of the dying man. 

“I am not alone. Even  
As I stumble on the path  
With my eyes closed, yet I see  
The Light is here.”

Bhaltair gasped for breath that would not come. He clenched Cullen's hand tightly, as his body convulsed. With a quick movement, Cullen sunk his blade between the Templar’s ribs. He continued. He never broke the chant, even as the Maker stole the last breath from Bhaltair’s lips. 

“Draw your last breath, my friends.  
Cross the Veil and the Fade and all the stars in the sky.  
Rest at the Maker's right hand,  
And be Forgiven.”

Cullen laid his fallen comrade down and tucked the Templar’s sword and shield ceremoniously into his hands. Another set of screams disrupted the moment of silence, and he was reminded to continue. Panic had risen in his chest, and fear quickened his steps. Bhaltair was a great force to be reckoned with. Solana stood no chance. He had to find her. If something happened to her...

When Cullen rushed through each room he was able to make quick work of the stragglers that remained. Room after room he grew more and more desperate in his search. Still not a single person alive. The long hall opened into a large chamber, and group of abominations caught his attention. He counted five in total. The Templar instinctively braced for their attacks as they slithered quickly in his direction. 

The first to reach him was a rather weak opponent, and a well timed dodge and counter, finished it off easily. The second two were not nearly as incompetent. They coordinated their movement wide, and attempted to flank him. Cullen was not about to let that happen. He fled back through the door and into the narrow hall. Eyes darted around the small door frame formulating his plan. He decided this was where he would make his stand. The creatures were far too large to fit side by side, and he would have the advantage of a one on one fight. 

Number two entered the hall. Sharp blood soaked talons sliced only air. It was close, and Cullen felt blood from the claws when it speckled across his face. It's warmth twisted his stomach, but he maintained focus. An upward diagonal slash severed its left arm. Red spurts gushed from the abomination and pooled on the cobblestone. 

A loud demonic screech echoed as the third one entered through the doorway. The Templar had only moments to end this before they united and overpowered him. Cullen remained in the first’s wounded weak spot, and executed a perfectly angled stab to its heart. The crack of ribs rippled through his blade as he pierced through the mass of bone and muscles clean up to the cross guard. He twisted the sword, and kicked the body off the blade. Immediately he turned, sword extended, and he severed the other's head from its shoulders. 

The fourth was on him, and he barely managed a clumsy block of the razor claws. A poor stance resulted in him being knocked off balance. Cullen fell backwards. He tightened his muscles to keep his head from smacking the stone. He winced from the still healing injury to his stomach. His shield the only protection between him and the abomination. The ting on nails against his kite shield ring in his ears as he warded off his attacker. It took massive leg strength to kick the creature off him. He rose to his feet and sunk the blade into its skull through the right eye socket. He breathed deep to recover from the exertions of his battle. One more to go…

Where's the last one?

It should have been on him by now? He cautiously re entered the main room. Amber eyes scanned the room, stopping on the creature still on the far side of the room. 

Had it not seen him?

He approached. Fingers tightened in the hilt, and he held the shield close. If he did get the jump on it this would be over quickly. Cullen felt an unnerved shiver run through him when he closed the gap. Still nothing. Something was very wrong. The creature kept its back to him even when he was less than fifteen feet away. 

Suddenly it's head turned. Cullen altered the grip on his sword, and changed his stance, as he shifted his defensive position. He took a breath, and clenched in anticipation... 

...Nothing happened…

The abomination had been aware of him, and yet did nothing. Was it daft? Why did it not attack him? He was too nervous to get any closer than ten feet away. Conflicted and uncertain what his next move should be. Cullen flinched again as it slowly turned its body to squarely face him. A glimmer of something silver dangled around its neck, sent a chill down his spine, and the hairs on his neck stood on end. 

“Solana?” 

The creature lowered its head and dropped to its knees before him. Solana’s silver pendant came into focus. Cullen felt his stomach turn over multiple times. He gritted his teeth, and fought back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. 

“No. Not you too? Maker why?” 

Despite the horrible fate that had befallen the one he held so dear, she fought against the command to attack him. Solana lowered her head, as if she begged him to end her life. 

Cullen hissed through his teeth, trying to breathe through the pain of his heart breaking, of what he must do. It was his duty as a Templar. Perhaps he had always been meant to do this. He encouraged her strength, twisted rules to get her the necklace back, helped her pass her harrowing, allowed his feelings for her to cloud his judgment. Had simply prolonged the inevitable? If she had become tranquil this fate wouldn't have befallen her. He never should have interfered with the Maker’s will. 

“They picked me as the Templar to strike the killing blow if you became an abomination.” He repeated the words he had said to her after her harrowing. 

Cullen took firm hold of his sword. His tongue swelled and his throat went gone dry. The Templar swallowed hard and let his final words fall careful and controlled from his lips. 

“The Veil holds no uncertainty for her,  
And she will know no fear of death, for the Maker  
Shall be her beacon and her shield, her foundation and her sword.”

When he brought the blade down he knew he had swung as hard and fast to end it quickly, but it felt like slow motion. There was little resistance. As her head separated from her torso, the emotion drained from him. Cullen, for a brief moment, felt nothing. His mind lost in a the silence of purgatory. It wasn't until the clink of the pendant as it hit the floor his senses returned. He was not the same man as he was moments ago. Everything has become quite clear now.

“All this chaos. This is all the fault of the mages…”

 

\--------------------

Cullen felt the words when they slipped from his lips. The moment they did he wished he could take it back. The hatred he had at that moment in Kinloch was incomprehensible. He noticed Ghilani’s hand no longer stroked his arm. His gaze shamefully rose to her face. Lani had covered her mouth, her face was pale as a sheet, and her fade green eyes wide in horror. 

Cullen fought to keep eye contact, for what he was about to say was far more heartless and insane. “After Solona was slain, I went temporarily blood crazed. I remember screaming, and faces but not much beyond that. I can not recall my actions. If there were innocents slain by these hands.” He looked down at his open hands as he remembered the blood that covered them. Cullen clenched them into fists as he struggled through the ending “I fought until I could no longer lift my arms. My hands could hardly hold a grip on the sword and shield. I collapsed and awoke with three others. I watched in horror as the mages toyed with them. Slowly breaking their minds. I will not disrespect their memory by repeating how they died.” He set his jaw, and clenched his teeth before continuing. “It was my turn. The demons tempted my faith to the Maker. Visions of a life free of magic. No templars. No mages. Of Solana and myself together with a family. And then things shift. Grow cold and dark. Solana encompassed in lighting magic. Suddenly I'm in my full Templar armor. Blood on my hands. Mages blood. Her blood. They tempted me over and over with my faith. The Maker’s will? Or a life with her? I went against The Maker. I killed her because of my selfishness. It was something that nearly drove me mad. In the end, my faith in the Maker kept me from submitting. If the Hero of Ferelden, Anastasia Cousland had not arrived when she did, I surely would not have survived the ordeal.” 

Cullen's story had come to an end and he felt a sense of relief at having shared, but Ghilani’s expression quickly extinguished the feeling. “You are mortified.” It was more a statement then a question. He couldn't look her in the eyes any longer. “Lani, I hated the mages with every part of my being. I do not expect forgiveness for my sins. And I will be repenting for them for many more years. I will not think any less of you if you choose to end this.”

Cullen waited for her judgment. Waited for her to run away. Never look him in the eye again at the wartable. Why wouldn't she? She would be more than justified. His heart skipped a beat when she interlocked her delicate fingers with his. 

“I am so sorry Cullen. For everything.” She placed her hand on his cheek and held his gaze, she bit her lower lip and chose her words carefully. “I should have never asked if you would strike me down should I become an abomination.”

“The fault is mine. You didn't know. I should have...” 

Lani shook her head. “I think you have harbored enough guilt, but I know you will have to see it for yourself. You are not the same man you were then. Regardless of your past, I love the man that you are now.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope that it was as intense and emotional for you as it was for me to write.  
> Hope that you enjoyed it.


End file.
